Monday, January 7, 2019

Day 22

I just re-read my bit of blog that I posted from 10/99. I still feel the same way about smoking -

  • I don't want to smell like that.
  • I don't want to sneak around and closet smoke.
  • I don't want to admit I smoke. 
  • I don't want to spend the money on cigarettes.
  • I don't like the socially unacceptableness of it all.
  • I don't like not being in control......
  • ........and on and on the list can go.

It's just a bitch to be an addict, but that's what I am. I'm an addict in recovery, but I cannot let my guard down for even one minute. No complacency allowed. No arrogance allowed. This is reality and my reality for today is that I do not smoke and I am 22 days smoke-free.

Flashback to 1999

Wow! Found this gem via the wayback machine, from an old quit blog I kept in 1999. Sigh.

Donna's Quit Smoking Journal

It's 10/5/99; do you know where your addictions are?  I do. My smoking addiction is hereby behind me...get thee behind me cigarettes!  Anyway, all kidding aside, it's time for Donna to become totally smoke-free.

As in the past, I'll be writing my fingers to the bone dealing with this "issue", and I've decided to share it with you - my family and friends. In exchange, I ask that you keep an open mind and just be there if I have to lean on you.  Most likely, I won't do a whole lot of leaning, but I want to share my quitting anyway.

Okay, the newest journal entries are at the bottom of the page.  Scrooooool down.  You'll find them.  If you have any comments, send them on in, using that little rainbow squiggle thing below.

This is it world; I'm quitting smoking, for good!

10/4/99 16:18
Let's see if we can remember how this works. 8 a.m. on 10/5/99 is the new quit date. I'm going to do this with Winnie with the agreement that we can smoke when we're together. That leaves the window of opportunity to smoke open, while still allowing for a clean quit. What a bunch of rationalization bullshit, eh? But it's worth a try.

10/5/99 9:50
I have been a nonsmoker since 10/5/1999 8:00am, adding up to 2 Hours 47 Minutes 4 Seconds. I have NOT smoked 1 cigarettes, for a savings of $0.17. The amount of my life I have saved is calculated as 5 Minutes. Yep, that's the way the thingie reads. I guess it's getting close to 11ish, so I'm interested in having a smoke. It's the same old thing - why can't I do what I want? What's the deal with smoking anyway? I've been at this smoking/nonsmoking thing for way more than half my life and I'm pretty sick of it. But, wait! What is it I'm sick of? I think, to be honest, I don't like saying I smoke. I know I don't like smelling like smoke. I'm sure I don't like the socially unacceptable-ness of it. I also know that it would be easy to smoke too much, rather than the low level that I've subjected myself to over the last three years (4-10 a day). So, here's day 1. Not too bad so far. I need to make sure my resolve doesn't soften; that's my problem - I need to discard all ambivalence.

10/5/99 11:44
1145....want one...won't have one...move past this wall.

10/8/99 12:37
I've been to QuitNet. I've been to the other sites. I've written to Winnie. I've eaten M&Ms.; I've gotten up and am going to get up again. But, it's day 4 and I'm having a tough time. It's time for my afternoon snig. See that pack of Winstons over there? They're my friend, or should I say my former friend. Each morning, noon, and night, I've had at least one. Why can't I smoke that one? Cause I'm gonna smoke them all if I have one. One would be considered a failure if it was not smoked during a time when I had prearranged it. I don't want to smell like that, yet I want to smoke one right now. I don't want to be seen smoking, yet I want to smoke one right now. I don't want to be considered a smoker, and know the drill. It sucks. I want to have some Godiva chocolates. They're not good for me either. I want to have a bottle of Sparkling Blue Nun, but it's not good for me either, so I won't. I want to have a Winston....but I won't. I have a few minutes left of aggravation, but I need to move past this. I have been Quit for: 3 Days 4 Hours 12 Minutes 46 Seconds. I have NOT smoked 31 cigarettes, for a savings of $4.76. Life Saved: 2 Hours 35 Minutes.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Sleepy as heck

I'm  plain, plum, tuckered out, but still not smoking. Don't want one, based on how I feel right now.

It was a night of starts and stops in terms of sleeping, culminating in a few hours sleep on the couch and now, further sitting around until it's a reasonable hour till nap time.

Golly gee, I'm tired!

Update later in the day - I got a very early nap and am feeling a bit more human. Richard says I'm still not me, but that's from the stomach chit, not the quit smoking chit. I have hardly had a cinnamon stick today. Whoo hoo!

So if you decide to use cinnamon sticks as a stand in for cigareetes, do me a favor, blow really hard through one before you pretend to take a drag off of it, just in case there are little cinnamon or stick bits inside. I know I don't want to choke on that mess and hope you're smart enough not to do that to yourself.

The day continues and soon it will be bedtime and we'll do it all again

Quit, bitches. It's a good thing.

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

I've posted about cinnamon sticks before. I'll probably mention them again.

Today, they are my best friend.  One of the hangups about quitting is the want to smoke thing. My brain tells me I'm full of shit and smoking is the last thing I want. My habitual idiot self is asking me to please go ahead and give in, hold one, breathe one in, feel the tingle, blow out the smoke, do whatever it is that I find pleasurable about my continuous doses of ill health and potential cancer that is a cigarette and smoking. 

What the hell? Why would I want to do that? Because I'm an addict. Pure and simple. I don't shoot up and never have, but I have indeed smoked more than I'd care to admit. 
Being a serial quitter is kind of weird. I have, in the past, quit and stayed quit for days, months, or years, and then for no good reason at all (as I believe there is NO good reason), I've started again.

I don't plan on allowing that to happen. This quit feels different. It feels right. And my cinnamon sticks are here for me whenever I want one. I have fleeting "I want one NOW!" moments and they're becoming less and less frequent as well as less and less powerful. 

Overall, I'm playing some pretty amazing mind games with my addiction and I'm the boss of it rather than it being the boss of me for the moment. 
Just for grins, here's my cinnamon stick for today. It's on my laptop and that's this blog post on the screen above it. 

If I can do this, anyone can. If I'm worth it, anyone is. Fuck a cigarette and fuck being hooked on it any longer. That's humor, right? 

Okay, if that's not humor, here's some real humor from Healthline -

Monday, December 24, 2018

Early resolution?

Many people choose January 1 as a day to make resolutions. 
Resolutions run from eating healthier to getting better sleep to exercising and to quitting smoking.
Why not just quit smoking now? 
There's no rule that says you have to wait until January 1. 

I quit all the time. I'm a quit professional.
Or a quit failure?
Right now, I'm a quit success. 
I had a short hospitalization for some testing and didn't smoke. So, I just never started back up. 

Allen Carr wrote the definitive book - Easyway to Stop Smoking. 
You can find it in a bookstore, on Amazon or eBay, etc. 

The American Lung Association has a bundle of information about how to quit: 

Do a Google search on how to quit smoking. There are ways and one that would fit you.

I'm using the cold turkey method.
It's not for everyone, but it's the only thing I've got going for me.

My tools include cinnamon sticks for manipulate with hands and mouth, lots of water, positive thinking, realizing there's no reason to smoke, and my quit smoking rock. That's not all I'm doing to not smoke, but it's part of my kit. 

You can wait till January 1 or you can give yourself a Christmas gift and quit now. 
Whenever you quit is a good time. 
Just do it. 

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Smoke your last cigarette!

Like she says, now what? 

Is it really your last one or just your last one until you have another one and then have another last one? Here's a suggestion - straight from Healthline - make that last one count. Make a huge production out of it. Have a good-bye party with yourself or your friends. I went to a quit smoking group many years ago and that's exactly what we did. We smoked until a given meeting and then we brought the rest of what we had in a pack, put them in the center of the table, and said good-bye to them. 

It may seem stupid, but this here's a big move! You decided to quit and you have to have a last one eventually. It's up to us to decide which one it's going to be and it's entirely in our own power to do that.

So, the now what can be something like downloading an app and keeping track of how much money you're saving, how many cigarettes you're not smoking, the advantages you're giving  yourself in terms of better health, and all sorts of fun details. Some apps will send you text reminders and tips too. 

Or you can ignore everything smoking related. 

Those goddamned cigarettes have been there for you all this time, encouraging you to smoke. According to Allen Carr, the only reason you light up is because you're withdrawing from the last one you smoked. His method has helped a bunch of people. You don't have to take the course. Just read the book and do it.

There it is again - last one. 

The last one is the most important one. Which one is it going to be and when are you going to take back your own decision making? 

Have your last cigarette and then think, "now what?" Maybe even plan ahead for that "now what." 

Keep your sense of humor about you. 

Image credit

Sunday, August 5, 2018

How do you celebrate?

I've been quit for going on 14 days. 
That's like 2 weeks people!

Everything I read says to celebrate and make notice of every single minute of progress. So, I'mma dance. I'mma dance the dance of life. Yeah, that's it.

There are suggestions on the web for what YOU can do for a friend who has quit to help them mark the milestones and successes. Check it out. 

According to, there are so many benefits to quitting and each of them is worth celebrating. 

For today, though, I'm embracing my inner badass and you should too if you're quitting, quit, or working up to a quit.